If you tell me I’m failing at parenting you have to make sure you are winning

Because I’ve been sick and been in bed all day I had time to go through comments on one of the parenting articles I wrote awhile back. Yes, I have so much time.

This one’s about bringing little kids to church, and why parents like me like taking them.

It’s an appeal for a little more understanding in behalf of parents who are trying their best to raise kids who they feel might need a connection to Christianity early in life.

You can read the original/ unedited version of that article here : In Behalf of All Parents Who Bring Noisy Children to Church

 

Aside from the usual comments from perfect parents which I have learned to ignore, one particular one struck me. It was clearly an attempt to judge my parenting. Here’s a snippet of the comment posted as a response to my article:

It’s a pretty long comment which I cropped so I don’t risk anyone identifying the person. I tried sending a direct message to the person to discuss this in private with her but I still have not gotten a reply.

Anyway if you have been following this blog for awhile you might already know that I kinda have a thing for parent shaming *wink wink*.

In response to this comment about my “failed parenting” I have a few points I would like to raise and I am going to write this as if she’s the one reading it.

1. How can you judge me as a parent based on a small, teeny, tiny snippet of my life? How can you say that this is failed parenting when you don’t see the entire picture? You know nothing about me, you know nothing about my life, you know nothing about my family and my children, you know nothing John Snow.

2. Who are you to say that this is failed parenting? Are you an expert on parenting? Do you have a Phd and post Phd on parenting? Did you spend years studying and conducting experiments on people in a prison for bad parents?

3. What is failed parenting? Did you read about it in a manual with clear cut rules and rubrics to give parents grades for which I failed just because my 4 year old cannot stop asking questions in church?

There is no manual for parenting, no clear cut set rules to parenting, no scientific meter to measure one’s practices, no grades and scores to compute you can use as a basis to judge others.

The only standards are inside your judgmental mind. Please do not attempt to tell me that it’s common sense, because common sense should dictate that you are being an ass for spewing your judgy vitriol online.

You are in no position to tell me I am failing. Or my child who keeps asking questions in church is a sign of failed parenting.

4. If you are so sure this is failed parenting can you show me and demonstrate what winning at parenting looks like? Do you have cherubin-looking perfect little children who have never said a bad word in their life? Do they get 100% in all their tests, get all the medals and championship trophies, take their vitamins on time, eat organic and don’t fart at all? Do you have children who have found the cure for cancer all while winning Ms Universe and finding the solution to the world’s problems?

Do you really think you are that perfect? Enough for you to go online and judge other parents. Decide which ones are failing and which ones are not?

I have Facebook stalked you a bit and clearly the answer to all my questions for number 4 is a clear no.

5. My child was 4 years old when I wrote the article, he just turned five. Couldn’t even wait for him to turn 18 and become an abomination before you say I have failed could you? You are so excited to judge other parents to prove to the world that what you are better?

I have written and done research about parent shaming enough to know that people like you feel awful deep inside. You probably feel inept at parenting, heck you might have been bullied when you were younger hence you feel the need to step on other people so you can feel better about yourself.

As a final note, to the woman who posted this comment to my article yesterday: You do not have the right, nor are you in a position to tell me my child asking question in church is a sign of failed parenting. You do not know anything about my life and you are not perfect enough to judge me or my children. You are a wretched human being who should go plant a flower with your children or eat ice cream to let go of that negativity. And no I don’t want to hear what your hypocritical parish priest said 20 years ago. He probably hates children and is now crying alone in some tower because no one wants to visit him.

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